This'n'That; March Twenty-Third #1; More Unremarkable Remarks

"Clown Prince" Blather Opportunity
Cushing Pipe Yard,
Cushing, Oklahoma
      [....] Yesterday, I visited Nevada and New Mexico to talk about what we're calling an all-of-the-above energy strategy. It’s a strategy that will keep us on track to further reduce our dependence on foreign oil, put more people back to work, and ultimately help to curb the spike in gas prices that we're seeing year after year after year.  So today, I’ve come to Cushing, an oil town because producing more oil and gas here at home has been, and will continue to be, a critical part of an all-of-the-above energy strategy.   Now, under my administration, America is producing more oil today than at any time in the last eight years.  That's important to know. Over the last three years, I’ve directed my administration to open up millions of acres for gas and oil exploration across 23 different states. We’re opening up more than 75 percent of our potential oil resources offshore. We’ve quadrupled the number of operating rigs to a record high. We’ve added enough new oil and gas pipeline to encircle the Earth and then some.  So we are drilling all over the place -- right now. That’s not the challenge. That's not the problem. In fact, the problem in a place like Cushing is that we’re actually producing so much oil and gas in places like North Dakota and Colorado that we don’t have enough pipeline capacity to transport all of it to where it needs to go -- both to refineries, and then, eventually, all across the country and around the world. There’s a bottleneck right here because we can’t get enough of the oil to our refineries fast enough. And if we could, then we would be able to increase our oil supplies at a time when they're needed as much as possible.
As we approached the airport aboard "The Emperor Express"--you FUND IT as Air Force One--I was a bit apprehensive in coming to Cushing, but--on the other hand--I was glad for my Presidential Protection Detail who are armed to the teeth.  Someday--possibly--someone, somewhere will finally outwardly take exception to my continual, all-encompassing lies on every possible topic and to a possible injurious end, I'm beginning to fear for my physical safety.  I'm glad it wasn't Cushing!! (wudda been applause)
    I'm beginning to realize the regime's "all-of-the-above" approach to energy production must be edited.  At the beginning of this week, I've been forced to add oil into the mix.  That evil OIL is the only 'tried-and-true' energy source on the planet, not just in the United States.  That evil OIL is the only energy source that's EVER shown a profit and continues to do so, by the second, day-after-day!!  I have, and will continue to promote every other FAILED source of energy; wind, solar, hydro-, wave, tidal as well as geothermal over the positives associated with that evil.  The two most prominent--solar and wind--whose ownership and investors I bribe with federal funds, have yet to generate one-dam'-dime in profit!!
    Now, those drilling, oil-rig, gas-and-oil pipeline and oil production figures are highly suspect at best!  As for the "....we're actually producing so much gas and oil...." statement: Complete Lie!!  I'm thinking you'll attribute all this oil-and-gas production to the owe-bama regime when actually most of the drilling sites and the issuance of permits all happened under that evil President George W. Bush!  The rare truth--atleast out of my mouth--is that there is a bottleneck in oil delivery to the Gulf Coast refineries.  The pipeline I'm here to claim as my own, has nothing to do with me or the regime.  It doesn't cross international borders so the regime has no authority to approve or disapprove it!!  As I said, I'm just here to claim it as my own. 
    Now, right now, a company called TransCanada has applied to build a new pipeline to speed more oil from Cushing to state-of-the-art refineries down on the Gulf Coast. And today, I'm directing my administration to cut through the red tape, break through the bureaucratic hurdles, and make this project a priority, to go ahead and get it done.   Now, you wouldn't know all this from listening to the television set.  This whole issue of the Keystone pipeline had generated, obviously, a lot of controversy and a lot of politics. And that’s because the original route from Canada into the United States was planned through an area in Nebraska that supplies some drinking water for nearly 2 million Americans, and irrigation for a good portion of America's croplands. And Nebraskans of all political stripes -- including the Republican governor there -- raised some concerns about the safety and wisdom of that route.  So to be extra careful that the construction of the pipeline in an area like that wouldn’t put the health and the safety of the American people at risk, our experts said that we needed a certain amount of time to review the project. Unfortunately, Congress decided they wanted their own timeline -- not the company, not the experts, but members of Congress who decided this might be a fun political issue, decided to try to intervene and make it impossible for us to make an informed decision.  So what we’ve said to the company is, we’re happy to review future permits. And today, we’re making this new pipeline from Cushing to the Gulf a priority. So the southern leg of it we're making a priority, and we're going to go ahead and get that done. The northern portion of it we're going to have to review properly to make sure that the health and safety of the American people are protected. That’s common sense.  But the fact is that my administration has approved dozens of new oil and gas pipelines over the last three years -– including one from Canada. And as long as I’m President, we’re going to keep on encouraging oil development and infrastructure and we’re going to do it in a way that protects the health and safety of the American people. We don’t have to choose between one or the other, we can do both.  So if you guys are talking to your friends, your neighbors, your coworkers, your aunts or uncles and they’re wondering what’s going on in terms of oil production, you just tell them anybody who suggests that somehow we’re suppressing domestic oil production isn’t paying attention. They are not paying attention.   What you also need to tell them is anybody who says that just drilling more gas and more oil by itself will bring down gas prices tomorrow or the next day or even next year, they’re also not paying attention. They’re not playing it straight. Because we are drilling more, we are producing more. But the fact is, producing more oil at home isn’t enough by itself to bring gas prices down.  And the reason is we’ve got an oil market that is global, that is worldwide. And I’ve been saying for the last few weeks, and I want everybody to understand this, we use 20 percent of the world’s oil; we only produce 2 percent of the world’s oil. Even if we opened every inch of the country -- if I put a oil rig on the South Lawn if we had one right next to the Washington Monument, even if we drilled every little bit of this great country of ours, we’d still have to buy the rest of our needs from someplace else if we keep on using the same amount of energy, the same amount of oil.  The price of oil will still be set by the global market. And that means every time there’s tensions that rise in the Middle East -- which is what’s happening right now -- so will the price of gas. The main reason the gas prices are high right now is because people are worried about what’s happening with Iran. It doesn’t have to do with domestic oil production. It has to do with the oil markets looking and saying, you know what, if something happens there could be trouble and so we’re going to price oil higher just in case.  Now, that’s not the future that we went. We don’t want to be vulnerable to something that’s happening on the other side of the world somehow affecting our economy, or hurting a lot of folks who have to drive to get to work. That’s not the future I want for America. That's not the future I want for our kids. I want us to control our own energy destiny. I want us to determine our own course.
    The 'TransCanada application' AND PERMIT have been in force for some several months; is not germaine to any current conversation.  That bullshit about all the red tape; the bullshit about the bureaucratic hurdles, is just that: more owe-bama BULLSHIT!!  Who added over 100 NEW regulations at the astronomical initial cost of $11 Billion; an annual cost of over $46 Billion, thereafter?!?  ME--your exhalted ruler--that's who!  By comparison, my predecessor--that evil President George W. Bush--added less than 25% of my total; at an annual cost of less than $10 Billion!!  The bureaucratic hurdles:  'bureaucratic' is by definition-GOVERNMENT; government is by definition-ME, your exhalted ruler!!  The aforementioned orders I'll give to my regime are just so much more royal, exhalted BULLSHIT!!  You folks probably see anything to the contrary on the television; the national pamphleteer corpse are 'in-the-tank' for my re-immaculation.  You may have heard lots of references to my ineptness; to my inexperience on conservative talk-radio.  You're also smarter than to believe my BULLSHIT over research and fact-checking by the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Bob Lonsberry, et al.
The formula of 100% lies + 80% bullshit=socio-fascist disaster!!
    If we actually had those two oil derricks on public property in the District of Corruption, there'd be a royalty windfall to the U.S. Treasury!!  Maybe that ain't such a bad idea, after all.  Is the United States a part of the world oil economy?!?  Is the United States a part of the world oil producers?!?  Then it stands to reason that the United States is a member of the world forces that set oil prices.  It's not necessary to discuss those percentages I refer to; they're pure BULLSHIT.  The federal government formulates said percentages so I can use any BULLSHIT I dream up. 
    It's fairly easy for me to promote a one-world economy; a one-world society; a one-world government on the one hand, while quite ludicrius for me to quote  BULLSHIT as a negative-relating to Middle-East crises on the other hand!!  How completely stupid is that?!?  It kinda makes me the 'poster-child' for the "Ya Can't Fix STUPID" campaign, dudn't it?!?
    So, yes, we’re going to keep on drilling. Yes, we’re going to keep on emphasizing production. Yes, we’re going to make sure that we can get oil to where it’s needed. But what we’re also going to be doing as part of an all-of-the-above strategy is looking at how we can continually improve the utilization of renewable energy sources, new clean energy sources, and how do we become more efficient in our use of energy.   That means producing more biofuels, which can be great for our farmers and great for rural economies. It means more fuel-efficient cars. It means more solar power. It means more wind power -- which, by the way, nearly tripled here in Oklahoma over the past three years in part because of some of our policies.  We want every source of American-made energy. I don’t want the energy jobs of tomorrow going to other countries. I want them here in the United States of America.  And that’s what an all-of-the-above strategy is all about. That’s how we break our dependence on foreign oil.   Now, the good news is we’re already seeing progress. Yesterday, I went, in Nevada, to the largest solar plant of its kind anywhere in the country. Hundreds of workers built it. It’s powering thousands of homes, and they’re expanding to tens of thousands of homes more as they put more capacity online.  After 30 years of not doing anything, we finally increased fuel-efficiency standards on cars and trucks, and Americans are now designing and building cars that will go nearly twice as far on the same gallon of gas by the middle of the next decade. And that's going to save the average family $8,000 over the life of a car.  And it’s going to save a lot of companies a lot of money because they’re hurt by rising fuel costs, as well.  All of these steps have helped put America on the path to greater energy independence. Since I took office, our dependence on foreign oil has gone down every single year. Last year, we imported 1 million fewer barrels per day than the year before. Think about that.  America, at a time when we’re growing, is actually importing less oil from overseas because we’re using it smarter and more efficiently. America is now importing less than half the oil we use for the first time in more than a decade.  So the key is to keep it going, Oklahoma. We’ve got to make sure that we don't go backwards, that we keep going forwards. If we’re going to end our dependence on foreign oil, if we’re going to bring gas prices down once and for all, as opposed to just playing politics with it every single year, then what we’re going to have to do is to develop every single source of energy that we’ve got, every new technology that can help us become more efficient.  We’ve got to use our innovation. We’ve got to use our brain power. We've got to use our creativity. We've got to have a vision for the future, not just constantly looking backwards at the past. That's where we need to go. That's the future we can build.  And that's what America has always been about, is building the future. We've always been at the cutting-edge. We're always ahead of the curve. Whether it's Thomas Edison or the Wright Brothers or Steve Jobs, we're always thinking about what's the next thing. And that's how we have to think about energy. And if we do, not only are we going to see jobs and growth and success here in Cushing, Oklahoma, we're going to see it all across the country.
The vast majority of drilling permits in force today were issued by that evil President George W. Bush administration.  The vast majority of drilling sites are on private property; atwhich your exhalted ruler--ME--has little--if any--authority!! 
Oh, by all means: more biofuels!! 
More biofuels means more starvation in every third-world rathole that can't get enough American-grown grain to feed their starving masses.
Oh, by all means: more solar!!
More solar energy equipment manufacturers; more solar energy producers means more pay-offs to their managements and investors which--in large measure--will be donated to my re-immaculation campaign.
    Not only does your exhalted ruler--ME--have a double-standard relative to oil production versus 'clean' energy production; we have a double-standard when it comes to prosecuting wrong-doing as well.  In August 2009, ExxonMobil agreed to $600,000 in fines and fees for killing 86 birds which came in contact with oil.  The American Bird Conservancy estimates that upwards of 250,000 birds are killed annually by windmills.  I can assure you that the "wannabe general" eric holder has no intention of exhibiting even a modicum of judicial integrity!!
'Nuff Said.
Remember--come November--vote early; vote often!!