This'n'That; March Thirty-First #2; Baseball Humor

It's Time For Some Baseball Humor!
    These humor pieces were in the latest blather from AARP; American Association of Radical Prima donnas:

• "It ain't nothin' till I call it." -Bill Klem, umpire
• "There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare." -Tallulah Bankhead
• "I never threw an illegal pitch.  The trouble is, once in a while, I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation." -Satchel Paige
• "Ninety percent of this game is half mental." -Yogi Berra
• "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without considering if there is a man on base." -Dave Barry
• "Who is this Babe Ruth?  And what does she do?" -George Bernard Shaw
• "The way to make coaches think you're in shape in the spring is to get a tan." -Whitey Ford
• "Running a ball club is like raising kids who fall out of trees." -Tom Trebelhorn
• "I watch a lot of baseball on radio." -President Gerald Ford
• "I didn't mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands." -Babe Ruth
• "If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off." -Bill Veeck
• "Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw.  He always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs." -Tim McCarver
• "Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster." -Joe Adcock
• "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win." -Yogi Berra
• "I think I throw the ball as hard as anyone.  The ball just doesn't get there as fast." -Eddie Bane
• "Third ain't so bad if nothin' is hit to you." -Yogi Berra
• "There's no crying in baseball!" -Tom Hanks (in 'A League of Their Own')
• "I never took the game home.  I always left it in some bar." -Bob Lemon
• "After Jackie Robinson, the most important black in baseball history is Reggie Jackson." -Reggie Jackson
• "We know we're better than this, but we can't prove it." -Tony Gwynn
• "It ain't like football.  You can't make up no trick plays." -Yogi Berra
• "If a horse won't eat it, I don't want to play on it." -Dick Allen (on artificial turf)
• "Aw, how could he lose the ball in the sun?  He's from Mexico." -Harry Caray

Maybe, more sometime in the future....
Til Nex'Time....